When you meet an accomplished outdoorswoman, there’s almost always one attribute that they all share.
It has nothing to do with their looks, their career, their gear, or even the animals they have on display on the wall. She might be outgoing; she might be an introvert. She might be funny; she might be intense.
But she will always carry this air of quiet confidence that goes deeper than her appearance. Deeper than her career. Deeper than her passion. Something that you can’t quite put your finger on…
I wasn’t sure what that was until this past Sunday night, when I used a Traeger grill (for the first time) to smoke rainbow trout (also for the first time!).
To understand the gravity of this moment, you have to understand that my husband is the Traeger and Wild Game King of our household. Everything he makes on that grill comes out to perfection. Every. Single. Time.
Some weekends, we make plans for a more elaborate meal since we have more time; this particular weekend, we were going to smoke rainbow trout from our New Mexico trip for the first time ever. Armed with a Meateater recipe, we got to work.
By Sunday morning, the trout had rested in the brine overnight and Court had his plans to get it on the grill in between some other tasks that day; we parted ways for the morning.
I returned from the grocery store, and Court told me he would need a little more time, but I needed to get them out of the brine. No problem; after reading the directions a couple of times, I carefully took the fish out of the brine, patted them until they were tacky, and then stuck them in the refrigerator.
Without a second thought, I went back to my plans for the day.
At about 2:45PM, my alarm went off to remind us to put the fish on the grill. It was then that I realized, Court wasn’t home… and I’ve never even turned the dang thing on!
This was the true test. I could wait until he got home, delay dinner, and hope we both wouldn’t be too hangry by then.
But some inner voice that I hadn’t really noticed before said, you got this.
I took a deep breath, remembered the instructions he had told me before leaving that morning, and got the grill going. When it was going, and I confirmed that the temperature was okay, I carefully placed the trout on the grill and set an alarm for 3 hours. And now, we would wait.
He ended up getting home around 5:00PM, and we finished up the sides and butter sauce just as the trout hit the three hour mark.
After carefully removing it from the grill, we finished removing the skin and skeleton before plating and sitting down to eat.
Court was braver; he took a bite and then stared at me, his eyes wide with delight. I quickly took a bite… of some of the most delicious fish I’ve ever tasted.
I was shocked; how could it have turned out so perfectly?
Looking back, it was that moment when I stood before the grill, considering my options. Jessica from a few years ago would’ve shrunk away, intimidated and defeated. But that day, I knew what I had to do and I made it happen. Something deep inside me knew that I could do it, and that everything would be okay.
It was that same thing deep inside that calmed my racing heart as I placed the crosshairs behind the shoulder on a huge buck and allowed me to calmly pull the trigger.
The same thing that calmed my frantic thoughts as the dorado’s lime green scales flashed above the sapphire waters and allowed me to focus on landing the fish.
It’s now the same sense of satisfaction that I feel remembering how Court’s face lit up when he ate the rainbow trout that I caught and cooked for him.
I think that when you have the opportunity to live out one of our most primal instincts, to feed ourselves and our families, you also gain an extremely deep, primal confidence. It’s not that you believe you are capable; you know that you are capable and can do whatever it takes to accomplish that task.
I owe so much of my personal growth as a human being to days on the water and in the deer stand, the challenges of hunting and fishing, and the amazing gratitude for anything you are able to harvest from Mother Nature.
To some people, it’s just a meal. It’s fish on a plate with couscous and asparagus.
To me, it’s proof that I am capable of anything.
Jess and the Outdoors 