First Blood: Part 1

My body trembled as I settled the rifle in front of me. Even after years spent twirling precariously in pointe shoes on stage, I couldn’t remember feeling this much adrenaline pulsing through my veins.

The scope shook with my hands as I struggled to settle the crosshairs on the doe’s shoulder.

“Take your time; whenever you’re ready, exhale and squeeze the trigger.” My boyfriend (now husband), Court, whispered from behind me. Sitting on his lap in a tiny tree stand several feet off the ground wasn’t helping my nerves.

The old doe stood placidly below us, somehow unable to hear my heart thundering in my ears. Eventually, I managed to squeeze the air out of my lungs, settle the crosshairs where I wanted, and slowly squeeze my finger around the trigger…

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

This story actually started about two months before this single moment at the Planet Fitness in Bridgeport, West Virginia. I struggled along on my treadmill while next to me, Court ran casually to finish his daily 5K. On my tiny tv, I attempted to lose myself in an episode of South Park or something; it didn’t work.

“Deer season is coming up,” Court said, pointing to his screen. Somewhere in Kansas, the featured hunter on the Outdoor Channel was holding up a monstrous whitetail buck with antlers that could’ve passed for tree branches.

In all the time we had been together, I knew that hunting was a big part of his life and childhood. He was a passionate outdoorsman, and I certainly didn’t mind enjoying the venison he brought home from the field.

“That’s exciting!” I managed through my labored breathing.

He paused a moment, as if considering his next words. “What would you think about hunting with me? Just to try it, you don’t have to shoot or anything.”

I could feel my eyes widen. Me, out in the woods?

I didn’t like doing stuff outside. Ever. I grew up wearing pink satin, sequins, rhinestones, fluffy tulle, and shiny pointe shoes inside a very nicely climate controlled and clean dance studio. When I wasn’t doing ballet, I was curled up somewhere with a book inside.

This girl did not do outside.

I thought back to the dance performances, singing shows, and recitals he had watched me in without a single complaint. Not even once. If he could support me doing the thing I loved most, then I could at least try hunting. At the very least, it would be an informative and educational experience to help me get to know this man even better.

“Sure!” I managed. “Why not?” He immediately beamed at me and started telling me all about hunting and the bow season that was nearly upon us. The more he described hunting and everything that goes into preparation, practice, and then actually hunting, I felt a thrill of excitement. At the very least, my first hunting experience would be interesting.

September in West Virginia meant rain and cool weather. A gentle drizzle speckled my windshield as I pulled up the shop where he worked; our hunting area was further up the mountain away from the equipment and buildings. I sent a quick text; here.

While waiting, I quickly pulled on some hand-me-down camouflage over my dance clothes. Before braving the weather, I checked my phone and saw his response.

There’s a doe here; come up slowly, stay low, and stay as quiet as you can.

I left my phone in the car and started creeping up the hill. The rain had turned the hillside into a muddy mess, but I crawled low on my hands and knees to avoid detection. Normally, I avoided mud and dirt in general, but if I was going to hunt, I was really to try. Crawl through the mud; check.

By the time I crawled to the bush where Court waited, I was damp and covered in mud. I slowly settled myself onto the ground next to him, anxious to see this doe and… no doe.

“Where’s the doe?” I whispered.

“She wandered off a little while ago, sorry,” he whispered back. He handed me the range finder and showed me how to use it. My job today would be to range deer for him.

I settled onto the cold, damp ground as best as I could, carefully arranging the leaves in front of me so that I could see and range around them while remaining somewhat hidden. Sit in the rain on the ground in a bush; check.

“I’m sorry about the rain,” Court whispered. “I haven’t been able to get a blind yet, but maybe we can get one set up for next time.” His eyes betrayed his worry, and it occurred to me that he might be nervous about me being there, just like I was nervous the first time he came to watch me dance. “I hope you’re having fun.”

I smiled at him. “It’s definitely been an experience so far,” I whispered back.

Suddenly, three does wandered into the grass in front of us. They walked so carefully through the grass, picking their way with a delicate grace. Growing up in Kansas, I had seen a lot of deer; they’re literally everywhere.

But it wasn’t until I was sitting in that cold September rain that I really watched them. The way their ears flicked in each direction as they nibbled the grasses. The way their fluffy white tails waggled every once in awhile. Their deliberate and quiet steps through the tangle of grasses. The tinges of gray in their smooth brown fur. The watchfulness in their gleaming black eyes as they surveyed the quiet flat around them.

Court’s whisper stirred me from my reverie. “How far are they?” I startled a little at realizing how close they were. Like, I could see the finer details that made each doe unique. I slowly started to raise the range finder. They were getting closer, surely they were in bow range by now.

I watched in wonder as the deer wandered closer. There’s something about the absence of a barrier in between that makes them feel so much closer than the animals at the zoo or in the back yard. For just a moment, I felt like I was a part of their world.

The one closest to me froze and stared deep into my eyes. My entire body froze in response, a primitive reaction I had never felt before. Caught. As I stared into those dark eyes, I didn’t feel the rain drops on my cheek. I didn’t feel the cold, hard ground underneath me. I didn’t even feel the range finder in my shaking hand.

“Don’t move,” Court whispered from somewhere behind me.

The doe suddenly pawed at the ground, her eyes growing fiercer as she looked into mine. In that moment, I knew she had looked into my soul, and she didn’t like what she saw.

With one more huff at us, she turned on her hoof with all the sass of a hair flip and bounded away, her companions trailing closely behind her.

Suddenly, I felt the rain, the hard ground, and plastic range finder again. I turned to look at Court, both of our eyes wide at the encounter. “That was really cool,” I whispered.

The rain picked up, and we abandoned our mission for the day. As we walked down the muddy slope, I couldn’t shake the wonder of what I had just experienced. For just a moment, we were in a completely different world and my mind was working to make sense of everything that had just happened.

Almost sheepishly, Court asked, “so, what do you think; would you go again?”

I giggled at my damp, muddy clothes and rain spattered hair. Never in a million years did I think I would want to do this.

“Absolutely!” I said.